Hearts Burst into Fire
by kirana44
Summary: Sometimes you think you're okay, that you're going to be fine...but then other times you practically explode with grief. Tasuki wasn't used to it, but Chichiri knew the feeling well. TasuChi, mentions of TasuNuri. Oneshot. Spoilers for volume 9 onwards.


For some reason, I cannot write Fushigi Yugi fanfics to save my life, but whatever. Here's my attempt.

Based off the song "Hearts Burst into Fire" by Bullet for my Valentine (bloody Welsh legends! XD Disclaimer now, the song belongs only to them), this is a TasuChi fic. I think this couple works in a really weird way, in that they balance each-other out. I've found I have that view for quite a lot of my OTPs, actually (Frobin, ReiMax, etc). The one thing I like about this fic is how I got Tasuki's accent in his dialogue, something I failed to do in "Similarities and Differences".

Spoilers for volume 9 onwards, but to be honest, you should know this already.

Fushigi Yugi and every character in it (including the ones in this fic) all belong to Yuu Watase. Try to enjoy.

* * *

As the sounds of the night filled his ears, Tasuki couldn't help but think of him. Sitting at the edge of the campfire, watching everyone else sleep peacefully, he knew that he shouldn't think about him. But he did anyway. He had to. He had always thought only of him, even when he was alive. Nuriko always had that effect on him, alive or not. He remembered the look of his lavender eyes as they gazed into his own. His warmth, the softness of his skin…

_No, stop it. Stop now! _he commanded himself, but he knew that once he got started, the memories would continue to flood his mind. He remembered how soft Nuriko's voice was, despite him being a man, how he'd gently laughed when Tasuki had first confessed his feelings for him. How he'd been offended and was about to storm off…before Nuriko softly whispered to him, "I feel the same". How tender his voice had sounded, how incredibly sincere…

_Please stop it! Stop! _he ordered his mind into obeying. But he knew that it wouldn't stop …

His mind tormented him with the image of the bloodstained snow, seeing how still Nuriko was lying, showing him his own thoughts at the time: _what's goin' on with Nuriko? _He didn't remember saying it out loud, but nonetheless, Tamahome had walked up to him and said "She...fought with a Seiryu warrior…and just now…she…"

At first there was numbness. A brief moment as the thought sunk in, as his brain processed the cruel fact that the person he loved was gone.

And then came the anger. The most blinding rage he'd ever felt in his life, directed at so many different tings, all vented at one person. Nuriko.

"You damn **fool!** What kinda **ass** are you? What god did yer dyin' do?" he'd bellowed.

He recalled how Tamahome had held him back as he ranted, yelling at him to stop. But he couldn't stop, not until the anger subsided.

"Ya bitch! Wake the hell up! Nuriko!" he'd shouted, letting it all out. There was a silence, as his anger melted away into the most heart-crushing despair he'd ever felt in his life. At that point, whether he wanted them to or not, his eyes overflowed with tears.

_STOP!_ he screamed at himself, willing the images to leave him. He could feel the tears pour down his cheeks, knowing he could do nothing to stop them, feeling that he'd completely lost control of himself. It was times like this that he wished he were dead, too. Surely you only feel nothing in death, right? And oblivion was the one thing he wished for more than anything else in the world.

"Are you thinking of Nuriko?" a voice asked him. Looking up, Tasuki saw Chichiri sitting up nearby. He wasn't wearing his mask, and his remaining eye was staring intently at him. Tasuki was tempted to tell him to piss off and go back to sleep, but he couldn't be bothered. He was too drained to do anything but nod weakly. The spell caster nodded and stood up, moving to sit next to him in front of the blazing fire.

"We all feel your pain, you know that. We were there too. We all miss him. But we'll always be here for you, when it gets too much for you-" he began, before Tasuki cut him off.

"Don't gimme yer **crap!** You don't know a damn **thing** about what he meant to me…!" he shouted, fresh tears running down his face. Chichiri looked shocked for a moment, before his face relaxed into a look of pure kindness.

"You were in love with him, weren't you? " he said, softly enough that only Tasuki could have had any hope of hearing. Tasuki just stared at him, wide-eyed.

"How…did ya…?"

"Know? I don't know. I just did. I guess…sometimes, when you looked at him, you seemed both sad and happy at the same time. A lot of people who are in love get like that on occasion. Were you two…?" he asked tentatively, knowing that it might be the wrong thing to say. Tasuki just nodded.

"He was so…bitchy and callous, he wasn't manly in the slightest, and yet…I…loved him so much, I, I don't…know…how I can go on, without him, I…" he said, tears pouring relentlessly over his sodden cheeks. Before he could say another word, Chichiri enveloped him in his arms and pressed him against his chest. Tasuki froze for a moment, before continuing to sob.

"I…can barely breath, it hurts so much! Oh God, I love him so much, it hurts…I wish I could see him again…that I was…!" he sobbed into Chichiri's shirt, not caring if he heard. Apparently he did, because he tightened his hold on him slightly.

"I know better than most how it feels to lose both the woman you love **and** your best friend, both at the same time. And I know that, to you, Nuriko was both those things. So, if you need to do anything…talk, rant, cry, anything…I will always be here for you. I won't leave. I promise," he said quietly. Tasuki looked up at the older man's face, expecting to see the hint of a lie there, and he was surprised when he didn't find one. He was being completely serious.

"…Promise you won't…die," he said, trying not to cry again. The monk simply smiled.

"Promise. Hopefully, that promise won't be too hard to keep," he said, his voice sounding light, hopeful. "As long as you don't leave either, I won't die."

Tasuki absorbed the words, marvelling at how mature his voice sounded when he wasn't joking around. His eyes welled up again and he surrendered himself to his tears, safe in the knowledge that this man, who he normally didn't speak to much, was there for him. After a short while, he ran out of tears, leaving him feeling so peaceful, he couldn't believe how sorrowful he had been only a short while ago.

"Feeling better now?" he heard Chichiri say. He nodded.

"Pretty good, considering," he replied. He realised suddenly that he was still pressed against the monk, his head resting on his chest.

"Erm, Chichiri? Could you let go of me now? I'm feeling ever so slightly gay." At this, the blonde man released him and started to laugh. Tasuki stared at him, as the solemn, gentle man of moments before was replaced with the joyous loony he normally was.

"A bit too late for that, Tasuki-kun! I think you were "ever-so-slightly gay" before you ever spoke to me about **being** ever so slightly gay! No da!" Chichiri said in-between fits of laughter. Before Tasuki could get too offended, the monk got up and moved back to where he was sleeping before.

"Get some sleep, Tasuki-kun. You're gonna need it, no da," he said before lying down and closing his eyes. Tasuki traipsed off to his make-shift bed, laid down and let his eyes drift closed. The last thought that floated through his brain before he fell asleep was the same thing he always thought.

_I love you, dammit,_ he thought. It wasn't a sad thought like it usually was, however. This time, he was overwhelmingly happy, for all the time they'd spent together. He smiled. His heart was healing, just a little bit.

A resounding snore tore through the clearing as he fell asleep.


End file.
